By Gigi L.
The Oscars took place on March 27, 2022 and were “a glittering Disney commercial, tarnished by one too-real moment,” according to The New York Times. Everyone is talking about Will Smith’s friendly little face high-five to Chris Rock. While that was a notable event, no one is talking about the outfits. So, because I want to be different, I’m going to do that. Please enjoy.
- Jessica Chastain
I actually kind of like this dress. The ombre is beautiful, and the sequins are a nice touch. I would have loved it if it faded into gold, maybe a nice light rose color, but purple is fine. The only thing I’m not a fan of is the ruffles at the bottom. It reminds me of something the “Hunger Games” announcer would wear. Overall, Gigi approves. 7/10.
- Timothée Chalamet
I see my boy Timmy is sporting the “vampire grunge band” aesthetic. In all honesty, I have no problem with his outfit. He usually goes for pretty simple, elegant looks. The lace bracelet-things are a little unnecessary, but it’s a free country. Gigi approves. 8.5/10.
- Lupita Nyong’o
Look, I really hate to do this but…honey. Sweet pea. Really? Sis looks like a roll of tinsel. Christmas was four months ago. The diamonds, too. This looks like something 6-year old me would have made for one of my Barbies. Who picked this? Fire them, please. -3/10.
- Megan Thee Stallion
Words cannot describe how much I love this dress. Probably my favorite outfit of the night. Meg PULLED THROUGH. The shape, the cut, the texture, just wow. Gigi approves and Gigi wants. 1000000000000/10.
- Vanessa Hudgens
Okay Nessi, I see you. Sleek, simple, timeless, pretty good. I do feel like the necklace is a little much and the straps could be thicker, but I won’t be too nitpicky. Gigi approves. 8/10.
- Ricky Thompson
No. Just no. I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry. Where do I even start? The cutout, the cape, the dangly whatcha-ma-doodles…bestie. He looks like a randomized Sims character. Burn this along with your stylist. -6000/10.
- Saniyya Sidney
I don’t know how I feel about this one. It’s not completely atrocious, but my girl also looks like she’s going to Easter church service. Cut it shorter and it’s the dress my cousin wore to homecoming in 2013. It’s just not very appropriate for the Oscars, you know? 4/10.
- Renate Reinsve
This one will be in my nightmares. Maybe it’s a statement, but I don’t like it. She looks like a pirate who fell into a paper shredder. This is what they made with all of the fabric scraps from the other dresses. Not a great Oscars outfit, but she has her Halloween costume down for this year. 0/10.
- Jane Campion
Babe, this is a nightgown. You could have worn literally anything and you chose this. You look like Voldemort. These celebrity stylists need to be exiled. This is Dior, too. I could cut armholes into a bed sheet and get the exact same result. 2/10.
- Rosie Perez
To end on a high note, I really like this dress. It’s not too flashy or complicated, however it’s still very pretty. Argue with me if you want, but red makes even the ugliest outfits gorgeous. Chef’s kisses. Gigi approves. 10/10.
In conclusion, the Oscars were filled with beautiful outfits, hideous outfits, and pretty average ones. I hope you enjoyed my review, and remember kids, violence is never the answer to your problems, unless you want to get banned from the Oscars.